(509): Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen

(630): I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid

(+79): Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.

(815): I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?

(919): My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.

(240): When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th

(1-240): 133 to go

(320): I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town

(204): New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.

(614): 2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.

(814): we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko

(864): she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.

(215): Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts

(858): I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!

(425): I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.

(651): You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.

(617): i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later

(952): I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated

(505): new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.

(239): Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.

(203): Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me